Chapter 8

Mental Divorce

(May Some Put Away People Remarry?)

I. The Position Stated

“This position states that some put away people can remarry (e.g. one put away for some cause other than fornication whose mate remarries first). In application it says that when Jack puts away Jill (for being a poor cook) that, though that is a civil divorce, they are not really divorced. It is called a divorce only ‘accommodatively.’ If Jack then remarries another woman, he, being guilty of adultery can be put away mentally by Jill. This is the ‘real’ divorce” (pg. 74, emp. jhb).

THE PRINCIPAL ARBITRARY RULES

1.)          The “put away” (divorced person) must have done everything possible to keep the first marriage intact.

2.)          They must also have resisted being “put away” (divorced).

3.)          The person who did the putting away must later commit fornication, for the one who was put away to be able to then “put away” their ex-mate and remarry.

The reason for these arbitrary rules is the NEED to invalidate the first divorce, since both sides agree that no remarriage is authorized by God AFTER divorce. 

Remember Gal. 1:8-9; I Pet. 4:11; II Jn. 9

·       If it’s not right, it’s not real.

·       If it’s not approved, it’s not actual.

·       If it’s not permissible, it’s not possible.

·       If it’s not lawful, it’s not legitimate.

BOTH SIDES OF THE ISSUE AGREE:
THERE IS TO BE NO REMARRIAGE
AFTER THE FACT OF DIVORCE!

Mt. 5:32, “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” 

Mt. 19:9, “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” 

Lk. 16:18, “Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.” 

Mk. 6:17, “For Herod himself had sent forth and laid hold upon John, and bound him in prison for Herodias’ sake, his brother Philip's wife: for he had married her.” 

Bound to one, while married to another!

 Rom. 7:2-3, “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”

 Word Games:
“Married/Divorced only in the Eyes of Men”
versus
“Married/Divorced in the Eyes of God.”

Cp. w. I Cor. 7:10-11, “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.”

ADVOCACY of MENTAL DIVORCE  

“If he has unlawful sexual relations with another (whether before or after he wrongfully puts away his true mate), his true mate has scriptural grounds to reject or put him away. That might involve countersuing in the courts if he has a suit for divorce pending. But if he has already been granted a divorce by the courts of man, the laws of man make no provision for her to act. So far as the courts of man are concerned, legal issues such as property rights have already been settled and there is nothing else to be said in the realm of human law. But if he commits adultery (before or after his action in the courts of man), there is something else to be said by divine law-by the moral and spiritual law of the court of God.”

Ron Halbrook Notes and Thoughts for Further Study

Cp. w. Lk. 16:18, “Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.”

ADVOCACY of MENTAL DIVORCE

“And so, in conclusion from this, we learn that an unscriptural divorce releases neither party from marriage.  When you have an unscriptural divorce, as men count it, it’s not so with God.  That bond is still in tact.  And that little piece of paper is nothing in the sight of God.  Just as well use it as Kleenex and blow your nose and drop it in the toilet.  It doesn’t mean a thing to God.  God’s law rules over the laws of men.”  

Ron Halbrook (MDR sermon
preached in Wilkesville, OH, June 14, 1990)

Cp. w. I Cor. 7:10-11, “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.”

Though a couple is unlawfully divorced (unmarried) they are still under obligation (bound) to each other and still restrained regarding remarriage (I Cor. 7:10-11).

What will we believe:
Ron’s words or Scripture?

ADVOCACY of MENTAL DIVORCE

“Next, a man may have enough regard for social convention that he will not go to bed with the ‘cute little thing’ he wants rather than his wife; therefore, he may divorce his wife, then marry the ‘cute little thing,’ thus going to the bed of adultery. Once again, the original marriage bond stays intact under divine law until he commits adultery against his wife; his legal steps do not dissolve the bond put in place when God joined them together (Matt. 19:9). Since his true wife remains faithful to the marriage bond, she & she alone has the right to repudiate the marriage under divine law. She may scripturally do so even when she is not able to do so legally because of legal steps taken by the treacherous husband.” 

Ron Halbrook (E-mail “discussion with friends about fine-tuning some points of application,” February, 1998)

Mt. 19:9, “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”  Cp. w. Lk. 16:18

ADVOCACY of MENTAL DIVORCE

“According to this argument, if the fornicator can get his legal papers before fornicating, he can preclude the innocent mate from exercising the divine prerogative of putting away the guilty party & marrying another. By this argument, the innocent party would thus commit adultery!?!?”  

Ron Halbrook (Added commentary to an article by Windell Wiser, sent out by Ron in early Spring, 2001)

THE ARGUMENT

“No matter how hard it is, the fact is that Jesus did NOT give permission for the ‘put away person’ to remarry.  There are other hard situations.  Suppose your companion goes insane and it is necessary to commit them to an insane asylum... Just because it is hard does not change the law of God.”

Windell Wiser, Who May Scripturally Marry Again?

ADVOCACY of MENTAL DIVORCE

“Passage (Mt. 19:9; jhb) also is explaining which divorces God will recognize!  i. e. accept”  

Ron Halbrook (Ron’s commentary to an article by Jim Deason, sent out by Ron in early Spring, 2001)

“(Mt. 19:9)…what passage teaches that in order for one to actually be divorced they must agree to it?  What passage allows them to reserve themselves mentally from a divorce, claim to still be married, and not be ‘really’ divorced?  One may indeed sin against his wife by divorcing her with unscriptural cause against her will but, nevertheless, is it not still a divorce? I know this has hard and unpleasant consequences. It is similar to being shoved off a cliff, there may be no justifiable reason and you may not have agreed to it but…”  Jim Deason, Mental Divorce? A Reply (STS, 3/‘86)

Mt. 19:9, “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Note: One definition for divorce!

ADVOCACY of MENTAL DIVORCE

“If the mate who struggled to keep the marriage intact continues to honor the vows made before God, remains faithful in all things (after a divorce; jhb) and then that mate who refused to honor that covenant that was made with God [sic] witness joins him/herself to another, I believe God holds the one who remained faithful guiltless if they remarry.  The “putting away” by the one who refused to honor that binding covenant that God was witness to was but a “legal document” by the civil law that in no way can supersede the law of God” (emp. his). 

Bobby Holmes (From an e-mail exchange, Sept., ‘01)

Mt. 19:6, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

I Cor. 7:10-11, “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” 

“Let not” does NOT mean “Cannot”

ADVOCACY of MENTAL DIVORCE  

“Do you not believe that the bond God bound them with still exists and therefore if either marry they commit adultery? WHY?  Because the BOND REMAINS. God has NOT loosed it for there has been no God allowed cause (Matt. 19:9). The action in the civil court was but an action of man by a law that is out of harmony with God's law (Matt. 19:9).  That divorce decree is but a piece of paper that is not recognized by God though by men” (emp. his). 

Bobby Holmes (From an e-mail exchange, Sept., ‘01)

CONFUSING THE MARRIAGE with THE BOND!

Rom. 7:2-3, “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”

ADVOCACY of MENTAL DIVORCE 

“Your position assigns the innocent party to a life without hope because they remained faithful to the marriage vows. When that mate who put the innocent party away involves themselves sexually with someone else, the one who remained faithful has the right (though it would be their choice) to remarry without being guilty of fornication” (emp. his).    Bobby Holmes (From an e-mail exchange, Sept., ‘01)

Mt. 5:32, “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” 

Instances of Injustice

What about the spouse of a MIA, POW or Convict?
Is it “fair” for the poor wife to have to wait forever???

What about when there’s no “fornication” (I Cor. 7:5,11)?
Is it “fair” for the poor wife to have to wait forever???